It’s all about control

It would appear that I am still very much protective of my 26 months of sobriety. Although, there are now many days where the thought of alcohol never even enters into my daily routine – whatever that looks like lately because there isn’t any structure to my days of late! The other day my beautiful neighbour was making a caesar for another friend and offered one to both Hubster and I. He of course graciously accepted whereas I sassily informed her that I didn’t drink, and without even batting an enhanced lash she replied that she knew that and would happily make me one without alcohol. Problem solved right? Not so fast, again I thanked her (yes, graciously this time) but declined the offer, stating I was happy with my never ending steaming mug of green tea. Could she be trusted to remember which drink would be mine of the four she was making? Would her mind wander at that all important crux of the moment where vodka would just happen into my glass? Oh, how my warped mind works some days… I knew without a doubt she would make me a more than delicious caesar sans alcohol but I just couldn’t give up the control of not watching every step throughout the drink making process. When we are out, no matter how tempting it would be, I never dream of ordering a virgin whatever for the simple fear that it would not in fact be virgin. For me I stick to the trusted basics of soda water with line or iced tea.

Early in my sobriety, we were out to celebrate my step daughter’s 30th birthday at a popular pub in town. We all ordered our preferred beverage of choice, a soda water with lime for me; to which, the young server asked if I’d love a shot of vodka or tequila in it. I get that’s how bars make money, and once I picked up my jaw from the floor, I pointedly asked if I had in fact stuttered with respect to my order, the young fella slunk away, sadly he caught me on a bad day, regardless, my behaviour was completely uncalled for. By nature, I am not rude nor flippant to wait staff merely doing their job, politely I might add.

I am much more in control and comfortable if you will with my sobriety as long as I keep said control firmly within my grasp. It was sort of the same while still wearing the uniform and serving our great country, I wanted control and things done my way ALL THE TIME! I was after all, the boss, at least for the most part. Until one day, thankfully early in my long and storied career, the proverbial light bulb came on and I realized well if that isn’t just stupid! Especially seeing how I had the privilege of working with and for some of the best and brightest that the Royal Canadian Air Force had to offer. Giving a little sure has heck gave me a whole lot more in return. However, when it comes to alcohol and my sobriety I am not willing to give up the control and as I’ve said since day one of my journey, I own my sobriety and it will be my choice alone and a cold day in hell should I ever choose to give it up. I hold the power today, and (choose your own deity) willing, I will hold the power tomorrow. Until then, here’s to one more sober day!

Be well and be you xo.