It’s been a good year – to be sober

I haven’t counted the number of days in quite some time but today is a special one. Today, August 1, 2017 is a celebration of my dedication and determination in achieving and maintaining 365 days of sobriety. There were more than a few days when my sober self salivated at the thought of enjoying a cool refreshing beverage, but the thought and cost of letting myself down far outweighed the nonexistent gratification I would get from a drink.

I did not hit rock bottom, or at least what one would imagine. I was however, sick and tired of being sick and tired and I wanted something better for my self. I drank everyday, and it was only the rarest of occasions when I didn’t have a glass of something – usually red wine in my hand. I come by my love affair with alcohol honestly; grandmother, father (54 years sober), mother and an aunt (25 years sober), so the only way I knew to get here from there was through sobriety. 

My body has continued to change throughout this past year. I have lost 35 pounds, my skin is clear, as is my ability to focus and be present in the moment. No longer having to give thought as to where and when will my next drink come from is truly liberating. As is waking each morning with clarity and gratitude that was never present in the past. Thankfully with each passing day I think about alcohol less and less, and though I own my sobriety, it is not something I take for granted as it can be taken from me at any time should I choose to give it up. 

As I move forward I know for certain that three drinks will always be too many and ten will never be enough. So for today my choice is none and I live knowing that today is better than yesterday and should I be blessed with a tomorrow, I will attempt to live the day with grace and dignity while remaining true to my sober self.

100 Days in the Making

                                                                           

November 8, 2016 will be a history-making day, at least that’s my prediction. The first female president of the United States of America will be elected, and I will have been sober for 100 days.

I’ve done a lot of reading over the past 100 days. Pouring over blogs that piqued my interest; Thesoberschool.com; and Hipsobriety.com are two blogs that have resonated with me in one fashion or another. And they inspired me in shaping my resolve to become and remain sober.

My journey of sobriety has been a long time in the making, however, it’s only been since my retirement in June 2015 from the Canadian Armed Forces and specifically the Royal Canadian Air Force, that I’ve stopped long enough to truly look at myself and realize that I wanted better for myself. This journey of 100 days has taught me that I am not powerless over alcohol. I am in fact in complete control over my decision to drink or not to. I do know and believe that for me it is easier to remain sober than to get sober.

Waking each day with gratitude vice a hangover and yet more self-loathing has been one of the biggest changes and the most welcome. In the past hating myself and vowing to do better would have clouded my thoughts all day long – at least until I got home and popped the cork on a bottle of wine; red in case you’re curious. The bottle of course would be empty by evening’s end, enjoyed by a party of one.

My body has gone through some significant changes as well in these last 100 days. Better sleep, better eating, coupled with a 25 lb weight loss, more energy, and more clarity. Not to mention better liver function (at least I hope so), and ridding my body of a boatload of toxins. Equally important, I’m back doing things that give me great pleasure and I’ve not done in earnest for a number of years; crafting, cooking from scratch, writing poetry, and photography.

Of all the things that I am beginning to discover on my journey, is that perhaps it’s not about counting days and milestones, maybe it’s just about being; being sober. Here’s to 100 more!

I whispered “I Love You”

I could not look in the mirror to see or open my ears to hear

Now 100 days sober I am longer in fear

No more haze or hangovers

My soul whole and my path clear

I shouted “I Love You”

This time I shout back to my reflection in the mirror

“I Love You too”

 

 

It’s Time to Go

It’s time to go!

The time has come to say goodbye

Thirty one plus years just seemed to fly

The good times were many

The sad, hardly any

The friends I’ve made I cannot count

And all memories are carefully stored in my retirement account

No one but me would ever have guessed

In that, I am truly truly blessed!

Deborah Ann Matthews

2 CAD CWO

DaM :12/01/15

Capricious – adjective

According to the Oxford Dictionary, capricious is an adjective with origins from the 17th century and is defined by the following:

1.Given to sudden and unaccountable changes of mood or behaviour: a capricious and often brutal administration; and

1.1 Changing according to no discernible rules; unpredictable: a capricious climate.
Having retired in June of 2015, I am partial to version 1.1. Spending 31 1/3 years serving my country as a member of Canada’s military, specifically, the Royal Canadian Air Force (RCAF) this blog allows for me to put my random thoughts and musings to paper without too many rules as I explore the uncharted waters of retirement.
So I thought it fitting for the 92nd day of the year and the 92nd anniversary of the RCAF (1 April 1924) that I start my blog. If you happen to drop by and like what you read, I hope you’ll come back and visit my page.
Kind thoughts, and thank you for your time
Deborah Ann

Remembering

Remembering

You were once young

Not yet a life lived, yet all too soon a life given

When you arrived home a hero to those that mourned

There were no loud cheers, but rather silent sobs and spilled tears

Your ultimate sacrifice must never be forgotten, so it befalls to us to Remember


DaM: 29-10-16